And here she is
Wisdom tells me Im nothing Love tells me Im everything Within the two, my life flows...
her journey
her love
her other voices
her and herself
Heartbeat of a Her
Wednesday, May 21, 2008 TURNING COLD
Anyways, I dun really know how to put this or the put the things im going thru in perspective but I always ask myself, " When will all these stop? " Im really tired of putting up this strong front, telling myself that everything will be alright. Its been a year now. Exactly 1 year... Yes, time flies.. but the hurt is still within reach and whats more, the troubles at present just make me ask myself, " How much longer can I take in all these? " Yesterday, I felt as though a bomb was dropped on me. My gosh... Like I said, its one after another. At night, I wanted to cry myself to sleep.. but guess what? Im so sick of crying.. It doesnt help.. so I just stared into space. I've realised that I have somehow cultivated this habit, which probably is not healthy, of keeping things to myself. I thank God for giving me great friends, great family members.. who are always concerned about me...but somehow, I've never gotten to tell them how these things are really affecting me. I'll just keep it simple to a one-liner answer and move on. We all have our 'HUMAN POWER HOUSES'.. These are the people whom we will go to for help and advice knowing that they are stronger and that they are there for you. Yesterday I asked 2 of mine.. " How do you pick yourself up when you face tough challenges in life? "
The first person answered, " God will only test the people who are strong enough to carry. " I know for sure I am not a quitter. So perhaps its a contract I've signed with God.. one which will put me through all these depressing and hard moments before I can get to where I want to be. Im just waiting for that moment,no matter how long it will take me, where I can shout out, " I made it! " InsyaAllah.
Alfie
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