And here she is
Wisdom tells me Im nothing Love tells me Im everything Within the two, my life flows...
her journey
her love
her other voices
her and herself
Heartbeat of a Her
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Months ago, my team fell apart.. a group of people whom i trusted and held dear to me, for reasons of their own ( which i do not wish to list down for seriously it doesnt matter what those reasons are ) took off and left a venture which we started together. I was devastated and i felt so betrayed it has clearly left a mark on me. At that point of time, the business wasnt doing well.. it was in huge debts and creditors were on our tails. Disagreements came about, fingers pointed here and there, decisions were made and in the end I was only left with one member. From 5, it came down to 2.. to pick up all the pieces. What hurt the most was that i heard people talking.. " The others who left are smart! They dun want to get themselves into trouble and since the business isnt duin well, its only smart to leave." May i ask... if everyone of us was to leave, who would be the one paying the staff and creditors? The staff need their pay. They dun work for free. Who would be the one to return the money we had borrowed in the very first place? I only have myself to blame.. not for the downfall of that venture.. but to misjudge the character of those people whom i thought would have stuck together through thick and thin. How was i feeling at that moment of time? i felt sick to my stomach. My team members had left and every single day, creditors were after us like loan sharks. There was a side of me which thought, I shd just pull out too and then i wouldnt have to face all these. After all, other people were saying that it would be a smart move.. But I stayed on.. why? Simple... you dun just leave when things are falling apart. I may not have the greatest leadership skills but I am not a quitter. I cried almost every single night during that period of time.. The pressure was overwhelming. I didnt know if i could even survive. Emotionally, I was broken. Physically, I was drained. The amount of debt kept on increasing and whilst the others were moving on with their lives, there i was stuck in a rut. Of course I felt angry.. I felt that it was unfair and I felt that perhaps being irresponsible was the right thing to do. You can only imagine the amount of hatred I harbored. I became a bitter person. Skeptical and pessimistic. I am better now. Tho I still dun understand how is it that you can just leave sth you started especially when things just dun end when you leave. It goes on. I will never understand how it is that you can live with yourself quitting something knowing that other people will have to clean up the mess. The mess which you were also a part of. I can never understand how you can just leave and not even look back as though everything never happened. Im stunned. After all even to this date, I am still cleaning up the mess. And looks like it will follow through for quite some time. And there you are once again, going on with your life perfectly fine. You can say that IM amazed. I thought that with time, i will get those answers.. but so far, ive gotten none. Wounds will heal but scars will remain. Im not going to judge anyone. Im just amazed by how people look at their lives and carry on having a clear conscience.
Alfie
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