Heartbeat of a Her

And here she is
Wisdom tells me Im nothing
Love tells me Im everything
Within the two, my life flows...

her journey her love her other voices her and herself

Heartbeat of a Her

Saturday, December 08, 2007 Life goes on

11:37 pm

My life has certainly been far from smooth sailing. I remember the pressing situation I was in about 3 months ago where I had trouble falling asleep each night and I would dread the birth of day light. Every single day was a mental torture which desperately needed release.

Today, things are looking up a bit. I say ‘a bit’ for I do not want to count my eggs before they hatch. I am still doing what I was doing, running an education centre but with vast differences. Only one partner involved, better foresight and with lessons learnt I will never forget. Painful lessons, I would say. But as they say, ‘what doesn’t kill you only make you stronger’.

This journey I have been on is a self-exploratory one for me. I would never have imagined going through all the experiences. Im proud of myself for not running away though at times I felt I was breaking apart due to the stress and pressure. If God is putting me through this, he will definitely help me go through it. I told myself that each time I wanted to give up.

Definitely, I would not have done it without the love and support of my closed ones. I am grateful for the trust my parents, ( esp my mum ), have in me for allowing me to pursue my dreams. A dream, which at times, they never understood why I wanted to chase for they bring me more problems than happiness. Perhaps, they thought I should get a job and be employed instead. Now, Im blessed with their blessings so what more do I need?

I do not know how this passion started. But I do know how when it started. When everyone else was mugging for their A levels 4 years ago, I was busy sewing and putting some handcrafts together with my mum to sell them. I started talking to her about opening up a food stall and I even went around inspecting the shops and stalls. That was when, the desire to build something for myself grew.

I am not from a wealthy family. But I have always been inspired with family members who persevered through the bad times and today, are doing well. I adore that strength.

I have gotten my hands dirty doing this. So why not, just jump in. There is no such thing as a half leap and now, I dare challenge myself to make this second venture a success. If it does not, everything which I have gone through is for nothing and I cannot have that. There are no choices; I have to make it this time. Too many sacrifices done. Too much pain felt.

I need to show all those who did not believe that they were wrong.

And then later, I can thank them. For lighting up a bigger fire of willpower.