Heartbeat of a Her

And here she is
Wisdom tells me Im nothing
Love tells me Im everything
Within the two, my life flows...

her journey her love her other voices her and herself

Heartbeat of a Her

Friday, September 14, 2007 Blessed

5:17 pm

Things have been rough.. Its like riding on a storm where you can never see its end or the shore.. Whether you want to or not, you have to continue your pursuit.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster and often left with no arm of direction. I've had no strength left and by each moment, I pull myself down not realising the harm im doing, to no one else but me. I have to be strong.. I need to... Its so easy to hail the white flag. I've tot of duin that, I will admit but somehow my conscience will bite. So here I am, back to where I was at... back in the pursuit..

I'll lay it out on the table. If not for the ppl ard me, I would have cracked. At the end of the day, and at the end of all these, when I have managed to smell an ounce of success, I know it's thanks to these ppl..

To him, for that unrelenting courage and determination which never swayed.. Your strength is keeping mine. I'm proud of the sense of responsibility and consistency in you. I promise to wake up.

To my Sister, an all in one companion at home.. the efforts you take to cheer me up.. even im surprised. Heart you! I want more cheesecake okie...

To my Parents, believing in me... giving me sound advice even when it most hurts.. always being ever practical and pulling me safely back to ground.

To my Aunties, giving that one most valuable thing no money can buy; encouragement and support. You both have always been a source of inspiration since i was young.

To my buddy Mezza, those late night phone calls are priceless.. Despite the years, despite the nasty friendship encounters i've had, I know i can always count on you.
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Last night, I couldnt sleep.. So what did i do? Believe it or not.. I read my school notes; social research. I took it halfway last year and continuing it this year so thank god things are still familiar.. like the " Falsification theory of Karl Popper", " Inductive vs Deductive" and watnots. Nonetheless a sound advice from Dear which is to focus on my more Mathematical subjects.. Im freaking worried about my accounts. Yikes! Whatever it is, I just want to clear all my modules by 2008 so that i can finally like graduate. I dun care a teeney weeney bit about getting honours.. If i do, alhamdullilah, if not, its not meant to be.. Not that I dun care about my studies but after all these while, its just paper qualifications.. Not a single theory of the business management i had prepared me for the real world. They didnt prepare one bit for the problems im facing. So yeah, its value? Plain paper. Im just gaining as much knowledge as I can. :) Anyway, the sem has started.. Gonna get it done and over with..!

I've been waiting for Ramadan.. coz somehow somewhere i believe it will bring me peace and calm. Its here now.. Let time crawl pls. As childish as it sounds, somehow i feel it can protect and guide me. :)

May Allah bless us always... Amin.